INFORMATION FOR ALL COUPLE CLIENTS
Dear … and…..
Thank you for your enquiry about couple counselling. Please give yourselves a few minutes to read the information below before we meet for our first session and feel free to ask me for clarification, either before, or at, the meeting.
Guidelines and Terms of Engagement for Couple Counselling
The counselling session is a space for us to come together with the aim of enabling you to work towards meeting your objectives as a couple. In order to proceed with that, and make efficient use of time and energy I would like to suggest a basis for engaging with each other.
I call this initial basis for the work the ‘terms of engagement’ which may help to underpin our work together to ensure that we get to grips with meeting your objectives. I introduce these guidelines at the beginning of our journey on the basis of my experience and, at the same time, you are the experts on yourselves and on the relationship, so feel free to re-contract if anything doesn’t seem to ‘fit’ or work for you. The more you are able to negotiate these guidelines for yourselves the greater the likelihood of progress. The terms I propose are these:
✔ That, after an introduction and sharing of feelings about coming to couple counselling, we agree together on the objective(s) for the session and stay with that focus. If you want to change the objective(s) at any time we can discuss and amend if agreed by all three of us.
✔ That each of you speaks only about your own feelings rather than projecting them onto your partner. E.g “I feel sad that we never go out together” rather than “ B…… doesn’t want us to go out together”
✔ That you share the talking space more or less equally – each of you monitoring yourselves.
✔ That each of you listens respectfully until the other has finished.
✔ That you offer feedback to each other constructively and focus on delivering it as calmly as you can.
✔ That you support open communication by processing thoughts and feelings arising from the session and share these with each other, either before, or at the start of, the next session.
CAUTIONARY WARNING: I encourage you to refrain from talking about the session on your journey home and would suggest that, instead, you agree a time to talk during the week.
✔ For my part, I will maintain impartiality at the same time as facilitating reflection on the progress and process of the communication between you. This means I may press the ‘pause’ button to explore the dynamic in the room at any given moment. If something seems not be working I may encourage or model an alternative approach. I will sometimes act as umpire to make sure the terms are kept. I will sometimes make a comment from my perception of what is happening. I will summarise my perceptions towards the end of the session. I may set ‘Homework’ for you to work on individually and/or together between sessions. I will also offer to explore the gender dynamics with you to help facilitate secure and open communication.
✔
I look forward to meeting you ……………………..
Kind Regards
BARRIE HOPWOOD